My Daughter Might Be A Stripper.

Noting like missing a deadline to get the juices flowing. I signed up to participate in the The Beauty of a Woman Blogfest VI, hosted by August McLaughlin. Thanks for the invite, by the way. Sorry this is late.

My answer to “What is The Beauty of a Woman”, is simply, Beauty isn’t a noun, it is a verb. It isn’t how a woman looks, but how she lives.

Ok, follow me on this. It might seem like I’m going off topic, but I’ll bring it back around, you’ll see.

Years ago, my wife had a discussion with some fellow writers. One man spoke of women, not in that overt sexist way where lustful contempt drips from every word, but that covert condescending way, where women must be protected. That “I’d never hit a woman,” when no one had brought up the subject. The “Me thinks he doth protest too much,” kinda way. My wife stayed out of the fray as much as she was able. Until he said “No good father would let his daughter be a stripper.”

He noticed the look on her face. “What? There is no way Oz would let his daughter do that.”

“Yes, he would, because it would be her choice,” she said.

“Well, he must not have daughters.”

“He has two.” Then she stared him down, daring him to challenge her further. I have yet to witness anyone accept that challenge. Other than me, that is. But I don’t have a sense of self preservation, sooo.

When my wife relayed this conversation to me, my first thought was “Let?” How the fuck is what she does with her life in any way up to me? Sure, half her DNA comes from me, but when that half merged with that of my wife’s, it created a unique and autonomous person. A person with her own desires and dreams, her own challenges, her own life. Currently, she is my responsibility, but she is not “MY” daughter. She does not belong to me. She belongs to herself. And I hope I will have raised her in such a way that she will always remember that. Always have the courage to demand it. And always have the strength to dismiss anyone that doesn’t accept it.

Hell, I don’t care if she wants to dress up like a Muppet and rub up against other Furries. I don’t give a shit if she pays her way through college doing internet porn. And, more importantly, it doesn’t matter WHAT I think. It is her body to use as she will, when she will, in whatever way she chooses.

And what the hell is wrong with stripping anyway? Yes, there is a bevy of women that strip for dubious reasons, but that doesn’t mean ALL strippers do. I’ve only been to a couple strip joints, but I’ve noticed two types of strippers, The Broken, and The Confident. The defining difference is not the WHAT they do, but the WHY they do it. Is that woman up there because she is desperate and broken, constantly seeking approval by begging for your dollar? Or is she up there because she is so confident and empowered that she demands your dollar for the privilege to see her? If you don’t think this difference exists, go to a burlesque show sometime. Burlesque, though abstractly similar in form, is far different in function. And, they are typically damn fun shows to boot!

I feel it is my job as a parent, not to pilot her life, but to help keep her even-keeled. It is her ship to sail, her journey to take, and if that journey happens to lead to stripping, or burlesque, or even Pony Play, so be it.

So, if my daughter lives her life as a physically healthy, mentally sound, and emotionally fulfilled woman, be she a doctor, or lawyer, or even stripper, she will be beautiful indeed.

Anyway, thanks for reading,

~Oz

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19 Responses to My Daughter Might Be A Stripper.

  1. Thanks for sharing this post, Oz. I enjoyed reading it. And it reminded me very much of my Dad.
    Even though I was kind of the ‘black sheep’ in the family… I never did what was expected by me… when it came to career choice I didn’t… when it came to sports I didn’t… when it came to… whatever I didn’t either.
    I did not become a stripper though – but seriously… even if my Dad wouldn’t have understood THAT choice – he had still been my Dad and stood behind me with all his love and protection, no matter what!

  2. Amen! I’m so grateful that men, parents and humans with these attitudes exist.

    To me, sex work is like most any career path in that you can go for it for great or not-so-great reasons. Most folks I know in the industry do it because they love it.

    Thanks for joining the fest!

    • ozmonroe says:

      Yeah, when people say that sex work is demeaning to women, I like to respond with “Really? More demeaning than you feeling you have the authority to say whether or not she can?”

  3. I had a similar (yet different) conversations around the word ‘let.’

    Ahem.

    “I’m not gong to ‘let’ you use all our money to redo the bathroom when it’s fine the way it is, ” he said. “I’m not going to ‘let’ you get an art studio unless you can prove to me that you can turn a 20% profit.”

    I could go on.

    After years of therapy, I finally realized this guy was a control freak.

    So I divorced him and took 1/2 of everything he wouldn’t ‘let’ me access.

    I have a kick ass bathroom and a faboo studio.

    And that is the story of ‘let,’

    • ozmonroe says:

      Ha! Well done.

    • Heather Gerard Barnes says:

      Bwahaha! I love this story. Good for you.

    • Eden says:

      Let…. Love it!

      I mean, I do ask my husband when we’re planning finances for our family and any shared space, but there is never a “let” involved (and to be honest, he’s more likely to ask if I’d let him change something, even though he’s the one with the “real job”).

      So very good to hear you got what you wanted out of it, Renee

  4. shanjeniah says:

    I LOVE THIS POST!!!!

    So sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you – but I so seldom see anyone who so fully echoes the way we feel about our daughter. She IS an autonomous person; no less so than her older brother (and it could be argued that maybe she’s more so, because she’s much fiercer about it than he is).

    We’ve never felt our children’s sexuality was our business, beyond that we give them both the information and support they need to make choices (and mistakes) on their own terms. Imposing our morality on their lives seems like mucking about in things that belong to them, not us.

    I don’t see anything wrong in stripping, sex work, or anything she chooses to do, so long as she does it for her own reasons, and is getting what she wants from it.

    Much love and admiration to you and yours, from a kindred family!

  5. Musa Masala says:

    You seem like a very supportive father! Namaste. 🙂

  6. Diana Beebe says:

    Wonderful post and wonderful attitude! I love seeing supportive fathers and families out there. Thank you for sharing.

  7. Love the title! Hilarious. And I love how you define beauty as “how we live”- I enjoyed this!

  8. LOL! Let. Yeah… I’ve always chafed around the word “let.” It’s a lot like “never.” Red flag in front of a bull. People in my life know not to tell me what I’m going to do. I may have a bit of a strong personality…. maybe.

    Thankfully, my mom decided on the “you can be whomever you want to be” message while I was growing up. 😉

  9. Pham says:

    Wow, that’s cool. I’ve never seen such parents position. I like stripclubs and have a lot of friends in this sphere. To girls from russian bar zavist have different stories – one girl’s parents kicked out of thir home when they found out she was a stripper, she worries a lot and rolls down. And the other is exactly the queen who ‘demands your dollar for the privilege to see her’….I think it’s these women who exactly should be strippers.

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