The ridiculous winner for this week’s challenge is “The Beginners Topiary Guide to Manscaping.” I’m inclined to phone this blog in, like Josh the Asshat did when he suggested the topic. Manscaping? Really? His last winning suggestion, hiding one’s love of young shaved boys from wife and children, makes shaving body hair mundane. And discounting my Disneyland copout, my last blog was about sexism, a layered and difficult subject. But hey, the people have spoken and I must abide.
First off, manscaping is when a man shaves, or otherwise grooms, unwanted body hair. Topiary manscaping is the art of manicuring said hair into interesting shapes or symbols. To get a really good looking hair topiary, you must first start with a lot of hair. I mean a LOT of hair, like these guys.
Yep, that’ll do it.
Now, unless you are Johnny Depp
I would suggest staying away from the straight razors and just go with an electric and choose a simple shape to start.
When you become bored with that, you can try your hand at something a little trickier.
Once you’ve mastered the technique you are ready for the ultimate.
If you at any point attempt to manscape “Down there”, I must give a bit of a warning:
Careful with that blade and see you next week.
You know what? No, I can’t leave it at that. Why did that topic even win? If you have noticed, the subjects tend to be deep philosophical/societal questions, or ridiculous sex stuff. It is clear this was meant to be funny or embaressing. Otherwise, it would not have won. Why is manscaping looked upon with disdain, or at least snide amusement? Now that I think about it, this topic is just a continuation on the sexism theme. Think about it, if a women DOESN’T shave or trim, she is a dirty hippie, but if a guy does it, he is vain or gay, or a porn star. What’s up with that? Why all the obsession with hair. I’ve seen everything from smooth as a veal cutlet to Don King in an electric chair. Who gives a shit? Men that are disgusted with body hair are tools. Harry legs and pits doesn’t mean she is dirty, it could just mean she doesn’t give a shit what you think, as well she shouldn’t. And men that shave their balls don’t have to be vain or gay, or porn stars, they might have just been shaving their head naked and got bored. I mean, it happens, right?
Anyway, happy shaving, or not. whatever.
Thanks for reading.